Losing your job doesn't sound like something worth practicing, but it's humorist and business/career speaker Jeff Havens' reverse approach to teaching ways to find a job and stay employed. Havens, author of How to Get Fired: The New Employee's Guide to Perpetual Unemployment (Big Pow! Books), offers the following tips as a road map to the slow lane.
Fake your résumé. "It's a great way to avoid getting hired," says Havens. "Today, most companies do background checks, so it's hard to get away with bogus job experience. Plus, list some skills you don't have, so if you do get hired, you've already planted the seeds of your firing."
Establish your incompetence. "Ask endless questions, beginning with ‘What should I do,' then ‘What should I do next,' and then ‘What should I do after that?' Make no effort to figure out anything on your own. It also helps to write all business correspondence as if you were texting."
Alienate your co-workers. "Be sure to gossip about them on Facebook and Twitter. Many people forget they've friended their boss, so be sure to badmouth him or her, too. When it comes to e-mail, be indiscreet and always hit ‘reply all' for maximum mayhem."